I finally got my phone fixed yesterday. I’ve been pushing it off for about a month now. Whenever I would call somebody, or pick up the phone when somebody called me, I would be able to hear them perfectly, but they wouldn’t be able to hear me. Which meant that, over the span of a month, I got to hear pretty much every single person I know go “Hello?? Hello?? Are you there?” (Interesting thing about Microsoft Word; (yes, I write these things in Word first, then transfer them over into the blog. A little trick I picked up at the Jerusalem Post (yes, I’m double (well, actually already triple and here it’s quadruple.) overlapping parenthesis.).) when I wrote “Hello??” I had written it with only one question mark, and it gave me the questionable-grammar green squiggly. I couldn’t figure out why, so I right clicked, and it “corrected” me by adding another question mark. That was interesting. What was even more interesting was that it still had a green squiggly, and when I clicked again, it added another question mark, and would continue adding question marks for as long as a kept right clicking and going to “suggestions.” Anybody have any idea why it does that? End of absurdly long parenthetical segue.) while I just kept shouting at them “Can you hear me? Just say what you want, I can hear you even if you can’t hear me!” The only one to actually catch on to the fact that I could hear her was British Adina, who would get into long windy conversations by herself, saying whatever she had to say. But I’m getting way off subject here. The point is, (And I do have a point.) I went to the Orange store in Givat Shaul to fix it, and after I gave it in, I had to wait around for a half an hour for them to fix it. So I figured I would go grab some lunch. First I went to a burekkas place. They had a big sign out front saying “Burekkas.” I go in, and ask for a burekka. All out of burekkas, they tell me. So I go right next door, to a place that has a big sign saying “Shwarma.” I order a shwarma, but of course, they don’t have any shwarma. What is it with Israeli fast food places? It was the middle of the afternoon! And they weren’t even closing up or anything, just sitting around doing nothing in a burekkas store with no burrekas or a shwarma stand with no shwarma. I once went to pizza panini (rechov aza, just after the moment café. Terrible pizza, never go there. I was starving.) at about 1 in the morning. This was back when I used to live in Jerusalem.
We walk in and look around. Empty except for a sleepy guy behind the counter. We asked the guy, “Are you still open?”
“Of course, we’re open every night until two!”
So we thought, Hey, pretty cool. Finally a pizza place that’s open late. Even if the pizza is terrible. We order a few slices. Then the guy said he’s sorry, but he’s all out of pizza. All he had was whatever sodas were in the fridge. Not even a calzone. When we asked him why he didn’t just close when he ran out of pizza, he just said again, proudly, “Because we’re open every night until two.” Idiot.
But I think that’s the difference between Americans and Israelis. Americans are lazy, while Israelis want so badly to be lazy that they try too hard. I think it’s because they want to show off that they can be lazy. An American (like me, for example) will wait a month before getting his phone fixed, inconveniencing everyone around him (except, of course, for British Adina) because of laziness, while an Israeli will sit around in an empty restaurant, not putting another pizza in the oven, just to show people he doesn’t have to. Yet he’s staying there another 2 hours doing nothing because “Of course, we’re open every night until 2.”