The rape of Tevya (and other stories…)

Tomorrow I am going to go to the misrad hapnim and the misrad haklita and take care of everything I have left to do to make aliya. I’d have done it today, but got caught up in a two-day-long Red Alert marathon with Shmuly and Ari. If only I was as good at real life as I am at computer games. I’m only kidding, of course, I actually still suck at computer games, despite a life-long obsession, so there isn’t much of a contrast between my computer life and my regular flesh-and-blood pizza-and-shwarma (pizza first, of course, then shwarma a few minutes later.) life (or lack of one.).

I was flipping through the channels yesterday, and noticed two things. Gwen Stephani made a bizarre decision to cover a fiddler on the roof song (“If I was a Rich Man”, now “If I was a Rich Girl”), accompanied by another odd decision to portray in the video a pirate ship filled with half dressed rappers, Gwen herself dancing on a ship’s anchor, and four Japanese girls smashing a toy boat against a fish tank. The end result is actually pretty interesting, and it makes for a catchy song (though not as good as back when she was with No Doubt), and a fun video, strange as though it may be. The thing is, though, and I don’t think I’m the only one out there that thinks this way, but Gwen Stephani has totally ruined the simplistic shtetl imagery that has always been associated with the song, which is a bit of a shame. She violated Tevya, and now he’ll never be the same again.

The other thing I noticed is that watching professional curling is quite quite boring (Though no more boring than actually playing the game, I think.). The announcer said something that made me laugh, though (In my head. I don’t laugh out loud when I’m watching television by myself. That would make me quite insane.). He was mentioning that one of the teams wanted to switch a player or something, but they couldn’t, because you’re only allowed to pull a man off the bench if one of your players has suffered an injury. I can think of no sport more impossible to suffer injury from than curling. It’s a frikkin’ rock (in official curling terminology; a “frikkin’ stone.”) and a couple of broomsticks, moving very very slowly. It’s the only sport (and I use this term extremely liberally, really in the same sense that golf and billiards are considered sports, and France and Canada are considered countries.) with players who could not possibly pass for “athletes.” Some of these people are just plain chubby. They’re not even on skates, they’re on these weird non-slippery shoes. The only way somebody could get injured playing curling (do you play curling? Or go curling, like fishing, maybe? Who cares? Not me.) is by growing old and dying. Only then would they be allowed to sweep his cold stiff corpse off the ice with their stupid little broomsticks and replace him.

Comments

comments

3 thoughts on “The rape of Tevya (and other stories…)

  1. First of all that Gwen Stefani song is already pretty much old news!You have a TV already and yet you still dont make use of it by keeping in touch with the modern world like MTV???Second,Get a LIFE!You took your sweet time to get all your shit together,I cant believe you are finally going to sort everything out!What/who changed you?Somebody must of turned on the switch for you…If you dont write anything by purim then I wish you a Happy Purim and maybe you’ll finally see me,but in disguise…

  2. if you dont get anything out of life, just know that at least you figured out that you should have the pizza first and then the shwarma.

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